Dear Cindy: How do I bring my vibrator into the bedroom?
And on seeing how other people actually use sex toys
The only way that I can orgasm is with a vibrator but I’m nervous about introducing this into the bedroom with a partner. How do you usually go about this?
I am ALL ABOUT vibrators. I’m fortunate - like other people working in sextech or sex-related areas, I get gifted a lot of freebies, but my absolute favorite is the LELO Gigi 2. I never travel without it 🙂 If you’re reading this and you don’t already own a vibrator, or several, I urge you to remedy that forthwith! But bear in mind vibrators are like partners - you have to find the right one for you. You can find a great selection at Unbound or Dame. That goes for all genders - check out Hot Octopuss’s range of penis-oriented sex toys. And also, it’s entirely up to you how you choose to use your vibrator. LELO bills the Gigi 2 as the perfect G-spot vibrator - I prefer clitoral stimulation, so I only use it on my clit, and it works just fine that way.
I am also all about introducing vibrators into partnered sex! If I realize that I’m not going to orgasm through whatever fun activity we’re engaged in, I simply say, as a statement (you do NOT need to ask permission/indicate nervousness), “Darling, I’m going to use my vibrator.” Because the fact of the matter is, the moment your partner has witnessed you give yourself a spectacular orgasm with your vibrator, they will happily welcome it going forwards. I’ve found that once I’ve shown off what my vibrator is capable of and they’ve enjoyed seeing it, the young gentlemen I date will say next time, “Would you like to get your vibrator out?” 😂
Once you’re having a ton of partnered vibrator fun, I do recommend watching our #toytime #realworldsex videos on MakeLoveNotPorn. There’s a practical reason for that. As I mentioned above, I get sent a lot of free vibrators. I was talking to LELO years ago about a partnership with MakeLoveNotPorn, because we represent the perfect opportunity for product demonstration the way sex toys never get to be demonstrated in their product marketing. So for a while LELO was sending me free samples.
One day a package arrived from LELO. Inside was the most gorgeous black and gold-plated object - a special edition of the Tiani Couples Massager (version 2 - in the years since, it’s been updated to the 3). I admired how gorgeous it looked in the box’s see-through window, but at the same time wondered how on earth you used it, because at first glance its application was not remotely intuitive. No worries, I thought, there’ll be some kind of user manual inside the box.
I opened the pack, which contained a single sheet of paper - aha, I thought, here are the instructions. But they weren’t - the only thing on that sheet was how to charge it.
No worries, I thought, I’ll go online. That led me to a YouTube video, which had clearly been carefully designed to be Safer Than Safe For Work. A Stepford blonde (so clean! So wholesome!) TALKED through how you use the Tiani Couples Massager. No demonstration (obviously), no animation, no diagrams. Which was useless. I was watching this video going, whaaaat? You put it inside you and then he puts his dick in there as well? How on earth does that work?
I’m a strong, confident, sexually experienced older woman, and to this day I’ve never used my freebie Tiani Couples Massager, because I just couldn’t face producing it in the bedroom and completely killing the vibe as we both figured out how on earth to use it.
Which is why you need MakeLoveNotPorn #toytime #socialsex videos. Our fabulous MakeLoveNotPornstars use a vast array of sex toys in their partnered and solo #realworldsex, which means you get to see exactly how they work in the real world, benefits, drawbacks and all - as our partnership with Refinery29 some years back demonstrated: Watch Real Couples Try These Sex Toys For The First Time. That collaboration with our MakeLoveNotPornstars got a fantastic response. I remember a woman wrote to us to thank us for the feature. She said, “My husband and I had never considered buying a sex toy. Just seeing that you did this made us feel more comfortable about doing so. We bought the WeVibe 4 Plus - please thank the couple who demonstrated it, it was so reassuring to be able to see exactly how it works!”
That’s precisely why sex toy brands should be falling over themselves to do paid brand partnerships with us. MakeLoveNotPorn’s entire mission is to socialize sex: to make it easier for everybody to talk openly and honestly about sex. You can design the most cutting-edge sex toy in the universe, but if a couple cannot bring themselves to talk about sex and their own sex life, they will never buy and use it. Individuals socially conditioned to feel shame, embarrassment and guilt around masturbation and sexual gratification, will never discover what a wonderful time they could be having instead. We’re committed to breaking down those barriers for everyone, and to removing those business growth inhibitors for all our fellow sextech founders.
Want to pick that dialogue back up, LELO? 🙂
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See you next Monday!
Love, Cindy